Embarking on a New Journey
When I began writing this blog in the Autumn of 2006, I was newly pursuing D/s romance. I was seeking to understand myself, and to meet others making similar journeys. Back then I documented my own experiences, my philosophy, and some fantasies. Now, six years later, I have gained some knowledge of this path. Over the past couple years, I've found myself repeatedly sharing those insights with others informally. They seem to be valuable insights, some of which are not widely discussed among kinky people.
So I'm re-kindling this blog to be a source of "Things You Need to Know" about BDSM. In other words, how to do this crazy, socially not-so-acceptable "stuff" gracefully and growthfully; and what can happen along the way. I intend to emphasize thinking and behavior, more than the execution of specific kinks. Though I'm sure kinks will creep into it, little devils ;-)
The focus here is male doms and female subs, since that's the terrain I travel. A lot of the writing is applicable to any pairing however.
BDSM Relationship Variations
Is this D/s Thing Really... Practical? Achievable?
How Do You Know You're Kinky?
Kinky People Were Not Damaged in Childhood
Discovering, Embracing, Revealing the Self
Subs Don't Need "Training" but Doms Do
Who's Really In Control?
The BDSM Scene Is Not Everyone's Kink
Make Some Kinky Friends (sans Benefits)
Do Your Homework! Recommended Resources
Who Is Will and Why Is He an Expert?
Seeking a BDSM Partner
What to Look For in a Dom/Master
What I Look For in a Submissive Partner
Online BDSM Dating Tips
How to Interview a Dom/Master Prospect
BDSM Dating Etiquette
Integration: Resolving Your Vanilla/Kink Dichotomy
The Dangers of Dom/Sub Gravity
Two Kinds of Subspace
The Challenge of Finding a Long-Term D/s Partner
Why Doms & Subs Should Not Date Vanilla People
Abusive Men Are Not Kinky
Some Kinky People Don't Have Distinct Kinks
"True Submissives" and Other Lies
Why Dominant/Submissive Romance Is Hard
Letting Kink Out of the Bedroom
Emotional Issues in Dom/Sub Relationships
Why Safewords Are Not Safe
Understanding Limits and "No Limits"
Essential Rights for a Submissive Partner
Assuaging a Sub's Fear of Abandonment
On Communication Within a Dom/Sub Partnership
The Dom's Role as Mentor
Playing Your Sub Like an Instrument
Crossing the Line: Where Kink Becomes Abuse
The Top, the Dom, and the Master
The Bottom, the Sub, and the Slave
Generosity, Ferocity, Cruelty, Misogyny
Subdrop Symptoms and Treatment
Coming Out to Friends and Family
The Aftermath: Recovery from a Failed D/s Romance